


Got To Give It Up

by FoxsoulCourt



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew Gets Reflective, Emotional Intimacy Porn, Fade to Black, M/M, Neil Grows Them, Post-Canon, Vegetables Are Mentioned, WAY post canon, for reals, let's talk about sex baby, that's a thing right
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-17 21:43:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21516934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoxsoulCourt/pseuds/FoxsoulCourt
Summary: Neil + Andrew have been together for a long time. A really long time. Neil knows they are doing OK, but something itches in the back of his mind.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 26
Kudos: 62





	Got To Give It Up

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Azure Blue](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21119984) by [fuzzballsheltiepants](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuzzballsheltiepants/pseuds/fuzzballsheltiepants). 



> When [Fuzzballsheltiepants ](https://fuzzballsheltiepants.tumblr.com/) work was under construction, I got to be a writer cheerleader for it, a job I cherish. One line towards the end jumped out at me: “Do you miss it?” I could.not.stop thinking about what might happen when Neil asked Andrew that question. Very quickly a scenario unfolded in my mind; a different one than depicted in Azure Blue. One sitting was all it took to get the draft shaped. (It only took 284 or so revisions between now + then to get the version you see here.) I worried about cutting into her territory by writing a fic based on her fic. Silly me! She’s Fuzz, so of course she didn’t mind. In fact, when she learned about what happened, she cheered me on while simultaneously teaching me how to write more effectively. Dear One, tysm for your friendship, constant encouragement, keen beta skills + sharing your wonderfully wicked sense of humour with me!
> 
> Two other shout outs go to [dont-rain-on-my-solangelo](https://dont-rain-on-my-solangelo.tumblr.com/)  
> \+ [pomponia](https://pomponia.tumblr.com/). The first for sharing The Foxhole Court with me three years ago + then being my guide into the magical world of fandoms, Tumblr + AO3. ILYSM Peachy! Super excited to sit right next to you when I post this story. Ms Pomp, I love our wandering conversations uncovering one similarity in our seemingly different lives after another. Gracias por su amistad, aliento + usando su bolígrafo rojo profesional en servicio para mayor claridad.
> 
> Dear Reader, if you wonder why the title is the same as Marvin Gaye’s classic 1977 hit, read the end notes. In the meantime, do yourself a favour: set the scene for this story by [watching + listening to it here.](https://youtu.be/OyjB_0s5wPI)

“Do you miss it?” 

Andrew raises his right eyebrow waiting for Neil to elaborate before he’ll respond. 

They are sitting in bed together, shoulder to shoulder. Even with retirement from professional Exy six years in the rear view mirror, they are still testing out new routines. One of Andrew’s latest strategies has them reading fiction during the week, non-fiction on the weekends. Neil really likes their Sundays: he makes soup in the afternoon, they eat an early dinner, and then spend several hours reading before going to sleep. 

These sort of weekly rituals soothe his rabbit-on-the-run agitations. Right now they each have a different non-fiction book in hand chosen by Christy, their local bookseller. They found her store shortly after moving to Ithaca, quickly filling up several frequent buyer cards. In return, she easily learned their likes and dislikes, steering them away from crap they would not deign to read.

Neil gulps. He doesn’t want to ask the question, but he has to. He can’t stand not knowing any longer. It’s been on his mind for months now; years, if he’s honest. 

That’s another thing about retirement: his brain has more space for thinking about things he never even considered before. Most of the time it is content to sift through puzzles like which nutrients to add to his vegetable garden soil. Because, yes, Neil Minyard-Josten grows a few vegetables. The irony. He likes chard because it is colourful and interesting to watch grow; plus he can hide it in soup or pasta. He grows tomatoes because he enjoys making his own sauce; basil because it makes the sauce taste better. Kevin teases him a little bit less now. Andrew finds it hilarious when they share soup recipes. Neil often wonders what the hell happened to the kid always on the run with his poorly dyed hair and brown contacts. How did he grow up to be this adult? 

Unfortunately for Neil’s queasy stomach though, tonight his brain isn’t focused on practical things. “Do you miss, uh, sex with other people?”

Silence.

“Where the hell did that come from?” Andrew asks, turning towards Neil. The question feels so far out of the blue, he’s not going to remember what page he’s reading; he slips his index finger in the book to mark his place.

Neil had already put his book down. Once he realised the train of thought he was on, there was no chance he could keep digging into Rachel Maddow’s latest. “I dunno, I just wondered.”

“You just wondered.”

“Mmm hmmm.” 

Andrew looks over at his husband. He can tell this is not an idle question; it’s something that has been on his mind for a while and he has just now, for whatever reason, gotten brave enough to ask it. If Neil’s going to be brave, Andrew will meet his courage. He looks off to his left, out their bedroom window, and sighs deeply before saying, “Yes and no.”

More silence. Neil’s breaths shorten a little while he wraps his hands around his trim waist. Of course it’s trim; he’s a forty-something former pro-athlete who insists on running, biking or swimming every damn morning. Andrew feels Neil forcing himself to inhale and exhale slowly, but he can tell he’s having a hard time. “Hang on Junkie. Quit jumping ahead of me.”

Neil looks away and then back at him, “Uh, hard not to, Drew.”

“Gimme a minute.” Andrew set his book down on the bedside table. He knows Neil is asking because he wants a real answer, not one which will make him feel Neil Josten-fine in the moment. What’s throwing Andrew off is he hasn’t thought about this for a really long time, maybe even a couple decades. That realisation takes his breath away. 

He exhales and pulls his knees close to his chest. Half-way through Andrew’s freshman year of college he thought he knew where his life was headed. First he’d finish the court-mandated meds and keep playing stupid stick ball with Day and his family. At the same time he’d get a degree in Criminal Justice. Next up was Law School so he could do good things for vulnerable people for as long as possible. 

But one night during his sophomore year, after a clusterfuck of a weekend, Andrew fell asleep in their dorm surrounded by a pile of Foxes. The next day he helped Neil wash off the blood, sweat, and terror from Baltimore without getting any of his extensive injuries wet. Afterwards he communicated deep relief Neil survived his father’s brutality in the best way he knew how at the time: giving him that blowjob he joked about at Eden’s a few months earlier. Then, surprising both of them, Andrew got off while Neil was right there with him. 

That day and the spring break which followed changed everything between them, including Andrew’s vision of his sexual future. Not that he thought of it in those terms then. Hardly. But looking back, that’s what happened. He went from a guy resigned to a lifetime of hookups full of rules and restrictions, to… 

Andrew turns back towards Neil, lifts his hand towards his face, and searches his eyes for a sign of consent. Neil nods, his eyes wide and a little distracted.

“You're it for me.” Andrew says, cupping Neil’s cheek. “The only one. Now. Forever.” He’s in a sentimental mood and can tell Neil is nervous, so he forgoes the usual snark. Instead he looks down at the simple gold band around his finger, then back up at Neil. 

The internal movie in his head jumps from their awkward first times in the dorm and the Columbia house to quick fucks in too many hotel rooms, through slow, leisurely loving on their summer road trips, and some really steamy sessions. Over the decades Andrew has watched Neil Abram Josten unravel hundreds of times. He loves how, when they first get going, Neil’s eyes concentrate on Andrew but then completely lose focus the more he lets go and sinks into the experience. Neil’s breathy moans? They travel directly to Andrew’s cock every single time. It thrills Andrew, even now, to know he is the only one who has ever made Neil feel this way. Andrew never thought intimacy could be hot; it is with Neil.

Neil watches him carefully. He knows Neil has read the impact of those thoughts moving across Andrew’s face before he says, “You’re not telling me everything....”

Stroking Neil’s left cheek, Andrew nods. “Thinking. Not sure how to explain it.”  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

While Andrew consider what to say, Neil slowly exhales. He’s on high alert, but nearly convinced he has nothing to worry about. They’ve been together for over twenty-five years; married fifteen of them, so if something was going to shift, statistically it would have already happened, right? But even now, legally partnered, living in a home bought and paid for by their ridiculously lucrative Exy careers, cats all over the place, and his contract with Ichirou fulfilled then torn up for good measure, it’s hard not to jump into the emptiness of his worst fears. Especially these days, when his body and mind aren’t occupied by flinging a small white ball into a net before someone can stop him. 

What if Andrew has finally gotten bored of him? Even after decades together it delights and surprises Neil how much he enjoys sex with Andrew. He loves feeling the way their bodies know how to move so well together; craves the relief of his hyper vigilance shutting the fuck off; enjoys chasing the sweet sensations Andrew coaxes out of him. Maybe Andrew wants the thrill of an anonymous encounter every once in a while. He hopes not, but… 

He shakes his head to push these ideas away.  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

“Yes. I miss the casual hook-ups with Roland and some others." 

Neil blinks once, and then a second time. Fuck, did Andrew just read his mind? Is that what happens when you’ve been together for so long? 

A smile spreads across Andrew’s face; less guarded; a little wild. "I’m not gonna lie, it was a fucking turn on to meet up in the back room at Eden’s. Roland was supposed to be at the bar, but we were sneaking away for something quick and dirty." He shakes his head in remembrance. "I liked it. I got off on that feeling; it made what we did seem hotter.” He looks over at too-quiet Neil watching Andrew’s every move. Andrew’s smile changes into a sweeter, more knowing one. He reaches over to brush one of Neil’s persistently wayward auburn-with-a-shot-of-grey locks back from his forehead. Usually Neil leans into this touch; not tonight. 

Andrew laughs a little, tilts his head the slightest bit sideways. “But I was also terrified most of the time. Could never really relax. It helped being young and horny as fuck, but my nerves always undercut the fun. Didn’t matter how much dust I took or whiskey I drank.” He closes his eyes, hums, opens them, and looks towards Neil. “It’s easy to look back and think it was better than it was, but really? I spent so much fucking energy during those hookups trying not to freak out. Would they accidentally touch me and all of a sudden I’d be back fending off, y’know... I never knew if I was going to be able to relax enough to come or if I’d have to push them away and take care of things myself, later, alone. In retrospect, it actually sucked.” Neil looks at him, right eyebrow lifted. “No Abram, not the fun kind of suck.” His shoulders relax as he exhales in a short laugh. Neil snickers.

Andrew pauses to really look at Neil. He feels the muscles around his own eyes soften, feels a gentle smile change his whole expression, makes him vulnerable and open in a way no one else gets to see. Well, except for Aaron and Katelyn’s kids; they get all the softness Andrew owns, and then some. He’s grateful Neil doesn’t mind sharing Andrew in that way.

“Nope. Don’t miss being with other people.” His gaze sharpens and he inhales slowly, exhales even more slowly. “I used to be so scared. Of being held; fuck, scared of just being touched. Had no idea sex could feel safe. Bee told me it would, some day. I didn’t believe her. Even after you and I got together I didn’t believe her. But then, then things started changing. It took a while, but I’ve felt safe with you for a long time now. I like it. It feels good, really good.” 

Andrew rolls his shoulders, looks at Neil and snorts, “Rabbit, sometimes I’m the little spoon. Do you know how much big beefy Boyd would tease me if he knew that?!” Neil smiles. “Sex is different with you, better. Always has been. I relax and enjoy it. Maybe that doesn't sound like much to you or other people, but I’ll take what we have over some bullshit imaginary thrill of hooking up with anyone else. I want you. Period.” Andrew shuts up quickly when he notices Neil’s eyes welling up.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Neil looks down at his hands which have just barely stopped shaking. Until he asked, he didn’t realise how much this question had weighed on him. Ever so slowly Andrew’s index finger slides under his chin to lift Neil’s face. Andrew gently, tenderly wipes a tear away with his thumb. Neil wryly smiles. When Andrew leans in to press his lips to Neil’s, Neil melts. 

The kiss is soft at first; soft and sensual. They have been doing this dance of body with body for decades. While there are variations on enjoyable themes, for the most part each know their steps in the dance. Sometimes Neil takes the lead, sometimes it is Andrew, but usually they know what’s happening next. Not always, but most of the time. 

Tonight things start off familiar, and then something shifts. Neil grabs Andrew’s shoulders and pulls him into his chest, hard. Andrew follows him down, but after a few bruising kisses pulls back just a little. “Neil, what’s going on?” 

Neil shakes his head. He can’t form words, just pulls Andrew back into the kiss instead. Neil’s mouth moves from Andrew’s mouth down to his neck and collar bone, legs wrapping around Andrew’s, pulling him even closer to his body. He leans up to whisper in his ear, “Fuck me. Fuck me now Andrew.” 

Andrew pauses. Listens in to both their bodies, and then returns Neil’s fervor. With gusto. However, he slows the dance down, savouring every step. Younger Andrew never knew that trick. Neil matches his pace, a wicked smile on his face. He knows what Andrew’s up to; his eyes flutter shut when he feels a familiar buzzy energy in his groin and running down his thighs. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Afterwards Andrew smiles at a fully fucked and blissed out Neil. “Does that answer your question Mr. Minyard-Josten?” 

Neil grins slyly, “Yes, I believe it does." He pauses. "Oh, by the way, Dan spoons Matt as much as he spoons her.”

Andrew looks bemused on top of fully fucked and blissed out himself. “Really?! Hmmm, guess I’m not surprised.” He kisses Neil on the lips: steady, strong and true. 

Neil tucks his head under Andrew’s chin. Squirms in closer, kisses his chest, and tangles their feet together. “Night Drew.”

Andrew, content and settled, sighs, “Night Junkie.”

The rest of the words rattling around inside them no longer need to be spoken.

**Author's Note:**

> Neil has _his_ answer.
> 
> Does Andrew wonder the same thing? Hmmmm, that's a great question.
> 
>   
> About the song in the title. I headcanon when Andrew was nine or ten he had a cool, kind foster father who loved all sorts of music. Sam played old rock + soulful 70s stuff for Andrew, teaching him how to soothe his soul by getting lost in songs. One time Andrew saw Juanita + Sam dancing to some Earth, Wind + Fire song, laughing while they sang, sensually moving to the music. Embarrassed by how much they openly enjoyed one another, a blushing Andrew ducked his head, then quickly glanced back for another look at the mysterious power of love. Andrew had to say good-bye long before he was ready to leave their home. Packing up his few possessions, an artificially stiff upper lip barely disguising confusion, sadness + anger, he mentally tucked Sam's gift into his jean jacket pocket. 
> 
> Everyone knows Andrew Minyard plays loud, harsh music when he drives. Only Aaron, Neil, Renee, Bee + Wymack are aware he knows his way around Marvin Gaye, Al Green, Jimi Hendrix, Aretha Franklin, and more. He’d like to keep it that way for a while longer. Y’know, to maintain his reputation.


End file.
